The Mujahideen

I wanna be up on the 'ill today,
I wanna be up on the 'ill.
In a number of ways and today of all days,
I wanna be up on the 'ill.

I'm entitled to go up the 'ill today,
entitled to go up the 'ill.
It's not out of spite, it's a God-given right
and I'm gonna go up on the 'ill.

The mujahideen are coming today.
The mujahideen are 'ere.
'eroic and brave and they live in a cave.
When they pass, I will give 'em a cheer.

You don't wanna go into town today,
no, you don't wanna go into town.
Today of all days, not the sun nor 'is rays
will wanna go into the town.

You're entitled to go into town today,
entitled to go into town,
but, Lord, if you do, then it's curtains for you.
You do not wanna go into town.

With rugs at the ready and bended of knee
and needles and thimbles and mugs full of tea,
the mujahideen sit them down and agree
on the thing they're about to create.
Faroukh ibn Shah wants it fit for a sheikh.
Kamal says, "Okay, but it mustn't be fake."
Muhammad says, "Fine, but what ever we make,
make sure that the canvas is straight."

The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
The mujahideen are here.
They are stitching and sewing
and weaving and throwing
the shuttle and showing no fear.
The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
They're manfully smoking their drugs.
They are sewing and knitting
and nothing omitting
and all of them sitting on rugs.

"Don't mess with me," says Faroukh with a frown,
his needle-thumb leathery-weathered and brown,
"or else I will pick out the stitch of your gown
and you'll struggle to rejoin the fray.
We will come to your village and put on a show" -
(they're touring throughout the Home Counties, you know) -
"Sundays and weekdays, where ever we go,
we're as welcome as flowers in May."

The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
The mujahideen are nigh.
They're casting and threading
for wake or for wedding
in Ramsgate and Reading and Rye.
The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
They love to have dope, tea and fags.
They'll be knitting and purling
and tucking and curling
and soon be unfurling the flags.

The idiot "up on the 'ill" would say,
in his clever, conniving and cowardly way,
"You don't wanna go into town today -
the peril down there is rife!"
But we, who are nothing if never courageous,
always find heroes completely contageous.
Strugglers like that never fail to engage us
in tapestry's affluent life.

The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
Embroidery covers their laps.
They are snipping and slashing,
they're so haberdashing.
They're utterly smashing young chaps!
The mujahideen are coming, are coming.
They're here with the crescent-shape moon.
They have put down the sabre in favour of labour.
They'll be in your neighbourhood soon.