JESSICA RAFFERTY
(Backing Music: my own very simple Irish jig)
Chorus:
Oh Jessica Rafferty’s bags of fun
O, what a handsome dame!
She’s got a couple of blouse-balloons
To put K2 to shame.
They’re jiggly, wiggly, wobbly things
To grab with both of yer mits
O, what a handsome, handsome pair,
A lovely, bubbly, bouncy pair,
A super-voluminous absolutely massive pair of tits!
Now I went down to Sainsbury’s
to buy some chicken wings
And there in the queue
was a girl with TWO big trolleys full of things.
I said, “Are you feeding a regiment
Or just preparing for guests?”
And she said, “I’m using the extra one
For my tremendous breasts!”
Repeat chorus.
Oi helped her to the car park
And oi helped her load the car
And she said, “Can you grab hold of these
While oi adjust me bra?
They’re heavier than the potatoes
But you’ll find them ever such fun.
You don’t get many of these to the pound
Or even to the ton!”
Repeat chorus.
(Now slow and sad, resuming tempo at °)
She drove home from the car park
And a lorry comes along.
A head-on collision has left her wishin’
Her seat-belt had been strong.
Her jugs thrust forward on impact
And, although they cushioned her brow,
Pause
°Somewhere between them a juggernaut
Is crushed to buggery now!
Repeat chorus.